I had this great friend named lacy, the most beautiful and intelligent girl I've ever met. But here is the twist, she was silent, her smiles hide the pain, lacy was abused and bullied to the max. She would walk into school with cuts from her blades and bruises from her stepmother . Lacy was beautiful , but I guess the pain was to much, you see lacy couldn't take it anymore, after trying multiple times to commit suicide, she figured she should try one more time, her heart was sad an lonely, though we were all there, lacy couldn't take it anymore, so one day she took the blades and the belt and decided it was her time to go . Lacy commited suicide in our school bathroom on october 11,2013 . Lacy was a good friend to many people. We continue to miss her, and her legacy will live on. We love you lacy

I'm 34yrs old, I'm short, slightly off kilter, withdrawn, geeky. Simply put an easy target. Ever since I was very little I've hidden inside my own head, escaping into my own little make believe worlds. I hid behind my books something I still do today and now that I can do yarn crafts I hide behind the yarn. It's a security blanket and no one could hurt me when I was all cocooned like that. It wasn't until I was 28yrs old that I was finally diagnosed with Aspergers but I'm not sure if knowing earlier would have helped or not. Kids are brutal the can tell whose weak and they latch on like a shark smelling blood in the water. I was bullied and harrased on a daily basis at school and when I got home there was no relief because my sister was just vile. I took the usual steps, ignoring them naturally msde it worse. Telling my parents had my sister twisting it so that she was the angel. Telling the teacher - well I was told that if I was different then they would stop. That it was my fault they picked on me. I was even kicked out of confirmation class for snapping back at one bully and refusing to apologize. My mom told the pastor the rest of the class had been picking on me he said that was no excuse and I had to be the one to apologize. It didn't help that during 7th grade my Mom - the person I was closest was diagnosed with brest cancer. My fellow classmates were also allowed to throw, kick or hit me in certain classes because the teachers were leaving and didn't care. I now have RSD and severe pain for the rest of my life because the gym teacher let them beat on me with floor hockey sticks. My Mom passed in 1999 and I'm glad I was out of high school because so many people called me whiney for missing her. That I should be over it. That its no big deal. I've rambled and I'm sorry. My point is I've been off and on psych drugs, seen more doctors then I can remember. Was in the hospital for a suicide attempt that Dad says was just for attention. To this day I still hate myself, I font feel like I'm worthy of living. That I'm nothing. I cang blame it all on the years of bullying but they aren't blameless. Their words and actions are part of the problem which I'm still working on fixing. I work with young kids now which helps me realize how precious every day is. I am also working hard to teach them to be gentle and kind with their friends. I never want to see another child go through what I did if I csn help it. Sorry for incohearent thoughts. Its a lot of memories to try and get down.

So here I am now. A nearly 26 year old, young female with my own unique personality. I am a sarcastic, slightly mouthy yet kind and respectful human being. I have grown past the awkward teenage years and find when I look in the mirror, I generally enjoy what it is that is looking back at me. I would consider myself pretty fortunate. I have a family who loves me, a healthy relationship of 3.5 years, few yet amazing friendships, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back and unconditional love from my lab puppy named Wesson. 

Rewind x amount of years to when I wasn't always accepting of my life, who I was and what I looked like. If I told someone I know now that wasn't there growing up with me that I was bullied in school they probably wouldn't believe me. I was the girl that wore huge thick glasses and was overweight. Not your typical nerd with my head in the books but an easy target, absolutely.

Elementary School, great time for insecurities to start a-brewin. Why? Kids aren't usually at the age where they understand the impact their actions and what comes out of their mouths make. Kids are impressional and what they see at home, is usually going to present itself at school. Emotions can be high around these ages as well, as we aren't always understanding of them.

Middle School. Now we're talking. Best time and place to kick your insecurities into high gear as we are getting into puberty and hormones are raging. Perfect! As our bodies start changing, we develop acne, weirdly large feet that don't match out height (yet) and start noticing hair and weird smells emerge from unusual areas that weren't there before. Awesome.

Highschool. A time for trying to fit in with anyone that will have you. Everyone wants to just feel comfortable and accepted. But let's be honest. That's probably not going to happen what with all the stereotypical labels and cliques people ensue. I'm sure there is no need to list, but for shit's let's start with:
Popular crowd (of course this one is first, obviously), drama nerds, artsy folk, the jocks, the loners, the I-am-so-different-and-missunderstood group. The list goes on. 

I will not go into detail about my bulling experiences as it actually doesn't really matter. What matters is most people who will read this will be able to relate to if not most, but all that I have described about school and what it is all about. Basically, anyone who feels the effects of the unkind type of people onto themselves should know that they are not the only ones. Fortunately I am a pretty analytic person and through years of growing up and deep thought this is what I have to say:

To the person who one would consider a "bully": This is not where I point the finger at you per say. But this is a pivotal moment in your life, though you are probably not aware of it. You probably have no idea as to why you feel good making someone feel awful pain and what prompts you to do so in the first place. That is okay- we aren't an all knowing creature. But what you do need to know is that you are insecure. Most people breathing on this planet are, we are only human. It is where you choose to place the insecurity that is important. Hurt is an interesting emotion and can come out of us in many forms, mainly in sadness or anger. Most people that bully are angry. They are angry because something has impacted them negatively in their life, that being mental, verbal or physical abuse stemmed from home life or peers. Perhaps they are bullied themselves. Perhaps they don't feel "good enough" and need to make another look lower than them to feel and look better in comparison. This moment in your life is pivotal because if you're a younger person, your actions now, can shape your adult life in a way that you do not need to see. It's pivotal because you do not want to feel grief when you grow a conscience as you grow older. And pivotal because we choose our own actions in life. You choose to bully. You choose to implement pain on others. But you can choose to be a happy and confident person. Your choice.

To the victim of bullying: Do not cower and do not anger! You are not the minority. People who are insecure about themselves, who they are and where they stand will always, always try to bring someone else down in life. It's not YOU. There will always be another you. It can be as simple as having frizzy hair, farting in class by accident (how embarrassing), your clothes (cause let's be honest, how can anyone possibly afford to shower themselves in the coolest clothes always, unless it's from the bank of mummy and daddy's credit card), the colour of your hair, you're too skinny, you're too fat, your race, your religion, your sexuality. One of the things that bullies don't like is being ignored. They want to be heard, they wan't to see their words and actions effect you. But don't let it! Best advise I have learned and most effective is to be confident. Most people aren't born with confidence, but you can fake it till you make it! Best way to get what you want, always. The more positivity you can exude, the more untouchable you are. And you can fake positivity as you become what you think. The worst thing you can do is give the bullies what they want. Everyone needs direction in life, especially those that bully. Just remember there is a reason they hurt and need the attention they desire. You are who you are, and you need to grow into yourself in the best way possible and embrace it!

I have learned there is psychologically a reason for everyone's behaviour in life and it is not always to be punished but nurtured in order for those to grow and learn. We all deserve a chance at a good life and to feel and be healthy and happy.     
 

So here I am now. A nearly 26 year old, young female with my own unique personality. I am a sarcastic, slightly mouthy yet kind and respectful human being. I have grown past the awkward teenage years and find when I look in the mirror, I generally enjoy what it is that is looking back at me. I would consider myself pretty fortunate. I have a family who loves me, a healthy relationship of 3.5 years, few yet amazing friendships, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back and unconditional love from my lab puppy named Wesson. 

Rewind x amount of years to when I wasn't always accepting of my life, who I was and what I looked like. If I told someone I know now that wasn't there growing up with me that I was bullied in school they probably wouldn't believe me. I was the girl that wore huge thick glasses and was overweight. Not your typical nerd with my head in the books but an easy target, absolutely.

Elementary School, great time for insecurities to start a-brewin. Why? Kids aren't usually at the age where they understand the impact their actions and what comes out of their mouths make. Kids are impressional and what they see at home, is usually going to present itself at school. Emotions can be high around these ages as well, as we aren't always understanding of them.

Middle School. Now we're talking. Best time and place to kick your insecurities into high gear as we are getting into puberty and hormones are raging. Perfect! As our bodies start changing, we develop acne, weirdly large feet that don't match out height (yet) and start noticing hair and weird smells emerge from unusual areas that weren't there before. Awesome.

Highschool. A time for trying to fit in with anyone that will have you. Everyone wants to just feel comfortable and accepted. But let's be honest. That's probably not going to happen what with all the stereotypical labels and cliques people ensue. I'm sure there is no need to list, but for shit's let's start with:
Popular crowd (of course this one is first, obviously), drama nerds, artsy folk, the jocks, the loners, the I-am-so-different-and-missunderstood group. The list goes on. 

I will not go into detail about my bulling experiences as it actually doesn't really matter. What matters is most people who will read this will be able to relate to if not most, but all that I have described about school and what it is all about. Basically, anyone who feels the effects of the unkind type of people onto themselves should know that they are not the only ones. Fortunately I am a pretty analytic person and through years of growing up and deep thought this is what I have to say:

To the person who one would consider a "bully": This is not where I point the finger at you per say. But this is a pivotal moment in your life, though you are probably not aware of it. You probably have no idea as to why you feel good making someone feel awful pain and what prompts you to do so in the first place. That is okay- we aren't an all knowing creature. But what you do need to know is that you are insecure. Most people breathing on this planet are, we are only human. It is where you choose to place the insecurity that is important. Hurt is an interesting emotion and can come out of us in many forms, mainly in sadness or anger. Most people that bully are angry. They are angry because something has impacted them negatively in their life, that being mental, verbal or physical abuse stemmed from home life or peers. Perhaps they are bullied themselves. Perhaps they don't feel "good enough" and need to make another look lower than them to feel and look better in comparison. This moment in your life is pivotal because if you're a younger person, your actions now, can shape your adult life in a way that you do not need to see. It's pivotal because you do not want to feel grief when you grow a conscience as you grow older. And pivotal because we choose our own actions in life. You choose to bully. You choose to implement pain on others. But you can choose to be a happy and confident person. Your choice.

To the victim of bullying: Do not cower and do not anger! You are not the minority. People who are insecure about themselves, who they are and where they stand will always, always try to bring someone else down in life. It's not YOU. There will always be another you. It can be as simple as having frizzy hair, farting in class by accident (how embarrassing), your clothes (cause let's be honest, how can anyone possibly afford to shower themselves in the coolest clothes always, unless it's from the bank of mummy and daddy's credit card), the colour of your hair, you're too skinny, you're too fat, your race, your religion, your sexuality. One of the things that bullies don't like is being ignored. They want to be heard, they wan't to see their words and actions effect you. But don't let it! Best advise I have learned and most effective is to be confident. Most people aren't born with confidence, but you can fake it till you make it! Best way to get what you want, always. The more positivity you can exude, the more untouchable you are. And you can fake positivity as you become what you think. The worst thing you can do is give the bullies what they want. Everyone needs direction in life, especially those that bully. Just remember there is a reason they hurt and need the attention they desire. You are who you are, and you need to grow into yourself in the best way possible and embrace it!

I have learned there is psychologically a reason for everyone's behaviour in life and it is not always to be punished but nurtured in order for those to grow and learn. We all deserve a chance at a good life and to feel and be healthy and happy.     
 

My story begins when I started 7th grade. I make it clear my life before then I had been picked on but it was never so bad that I just ignored it and dealt with it that way. In health class and what not that was what they recommended you to do when bullied. For the most part in my younger years that worked. I was happy kid, raised in a loving family and had good friendships. I knew nothing of the darkness that would follow. 

When I joined 7th grade in september 2008 I had weather through a rough summer, my kitten ( who I was very attached to) died suddenly. Being a kid and not experiencing a giant loss this was hard to handle and cope. For me that cat was a family member and was always there to cheer me up, and wanted nothing but love. It was hard, even now if I mention it I still get teary eyed. Anyway 7th grade was also a major adjustment I had moved to the high school. As the highschool building included the 7th and 8th grade. 7th graders were the lowest on the pecking order and always got bullied and picked on by higher grades. Mostly shoving and excluded etc. This didn't really bother me, the only time anything happened was when a high school jumped out of nowhere and scared me. Oddly enough the bullying that hurt me and tortured me day after day was done by those in my very grade. Even though I knew other girls probably made fun of me behind my back, it hurt but I let it go. It was the boys that did their bullying on me. I thought it weird because I was a girl, I wasn't expecting it. I swear it was worse. 

I don't know the exact day or month it started I know it was about making fun of me and my fascination with dragons. I always and always will be a person who loves dragons. Granted I'm not crazy. I own a few dragon T-shirts. Maybe 3 dragon themed pieces of jewelry, most of my stuff is collectables. I still made my love known by drawing dragons, writing about them, etc I'm extremely creative. Anyway I didn't see any harm, I wasn't hurting anyone. I didn't bring them up in all my conversations. I had social skills that didn't revolve around them. 

However was the days turned to months and I still ignored them I began feeling ashamed for my love. I become self conscious and barely showed any thing that would show I liked them. Doing that was hiding a part of myself. It hurt. I didn't want any trouble from anyone. I became afraid. In my fear I didn't enjoy being picked on and being walked on like a doormat. I festered in anger, and holding in rage wasn't good either. I remember wanting to hurt them. I wanted nothing but revenge. It scared me, because before that I wasn't a violent person. I wouldn't hurt a fly. I suffered many days, I was afraid to be alone in the school anywhere. In the school they bullied me in the hallways or in class and even in the crowded cafeteria. I was on the lunch line minding my own business. When they came out and made fun of me, a girl walked passed them and laughed with them. I wanted to disappear. The kid infront of me I knew I was hoping she'd help, she seemed nice and I thought wrong. That moment of helplessness is forever seared in my memory. By the end of the year I changed. I didn't recognize myself.  

At this point I didn't tell anyone. Fearful I'd cause a stir. In 8th grade is escalated, they never touched or hit me. I wish they did that way I'd have some way to fight back. Fear no controlled me, I was terrified to doodle dragons in my stupid planner because I might get picked on. One day I had enough and I told the canceler. This happened in  the middle of 8th grade. My parents were upset this was happening, I hated tell them it did. School was a battle ground. The school never did much and it sucked. 

As time went on it stayed the same,  few 'grew up' but the two bullies that made my life hell remained. At this time I had gained more weight, because I stress eating. It became harder to go to school and work but I did it. Fast forward to Sophomore year. As well a several bad health problems and friendship breakups. I had no one to lean on even though I had a few friends. After all the medical stuff I faced I was tired from the pain and suffering. I felt utterly alone. I think this was the darkest time in my life so far. This year unfortunately shaped me and scard me most. My personally was 100% more 'darker' than it ever was, I was negative in many ways my wardrobe went from nice light bright colors to black and dark colors all the time. I had learned to fear everything at school. I tried my best to disappear, I never made myself known in anyway, I was as submissive as possible so no one would think badly of me. I got used to working alone as to not bother any else because they didn't want me in their group. (It was even made clear to me one day). At the same time I tried to be as kind as possible, people can't hate on a person who was nice write? It semi helped. For the most part I was ostracized and ignored. The bullies when they had the chance they would through their normal cat calls at me. Being alone and in pain made me fall in a really deep depression, although now looking back I believe I had for a while before then. I worked harder in art that year. I improved my art skills, my acting skills, my singing skills, all of that to cope with everything. I also grew more aware of music and knowledge from victorian times. That was the only positive. 

However by the middle of winter the stress of being bullied as well as being depressed ( and no one knew at the time and I didn't tell anyone hell I didn't even admit to myself). I hated my life, I hated living and wanted to die so bad. What kept me going was knowing that I couldn't leave my pets, ( no one else knows how to care for them), the people who never did anything but love and admire me. A simple story helped me go on. Lastly, knowing that if I were to die I'd put everyone I love in the hell I was in. I thought I was monster, but I wasn't monstrous enough to do that. So I carried on.Winter turned to spring. March came around. The school had an assembly on bullying. This father came and talked about his kid, how he was bullied, how he tried to fight it. Ultimately between battling bullying and depression he killed himself. I remember sitting there crying, the pain this man showed got to me. As I sat crying he pleaded to the sea of kids before him,

"Don't bully" "Help someone if they are being bullied" "If you think you are depressed reach out"

It was in that moment I finally admitted to myself I had depression and I was very much in pain. This was around the time I was getting terrified that each day might be my last. I knew I was going to kill myself if I continued down this road. I don't think I was ever so close to death. Eventually after being forced by myself, I told my parents. Afterwards I got help, I got to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. All that. I was receiving therapy. Still, my school life was hell and with or without help I knew it was only a matter of time still even if it that day or my senior year. 

It was decided I was to be transferred. I was, I however waited a fer weeks because I was participating in the talent show. All that year I had practiced and practiced till my voice could sing like any professional. I admit not and then it wasn't perfect, but it was better than most and certainly better than anyone thought I could do. I preformed that night I stunned everyone, the next day I took half a day off and I disappeared. The week after I was transfered to my new school. As they say the rest is history.

Currently I'm 17 years old and in my Senior year. I receive medication and therapy still for my depression, it is more under control than it ever was. I'm able now to participate and voice my opinion and live and create without fear in my new school. This year I got on honor roll for the first semester. I haven't ever before. The school itself is made out of kids who transferred that were bullied. So its less frequent. Still happens, but more to people who have horrid hygiene or those who themselves are 'bullies' or those kids who usually disrupt everything. Even then, it even that severe. 

Even though all those times are in the past, the scars still exist and the demons they crated live still. Because of what happened to me, I fear people... by that I mean I'm terrified of being judged and judged wrongly. I still work in that 'submissive' role. I also should mention when I was diagnosed with depression I was also diagnosed with anxiety. Both are equally alive. I'm afraid to trust anyone, and still even though I know now I'm safe and people don't care I love dragons... I'm still scared for drawing them or wearing anything. I ignore that fear, but it still exists. Sometimes the depression gets stronger than me and I think about killing myself. I feel now as if I walk a fine line even though I'm more content now. The memories remain.  Before coming here I watched bully. I cried all the way through, I remembered the pain the fear and seeing it on other kids faces it kills me. I couldn't help but relive those dark times. That happens now and again. As if I have PTSD. I won't say my life is perfect now. But it's a thousand times better than it was in that hell hole, I shutter to think what would've happen If I been there. I don't think I would be alive to see senior year. I love life, I wanna live it to its extent. At times I hate life and want to die. I stay strong, I keep telling myself one day I will do nothing but live and never think of killing myself again. I hope and dream, and I hope one day I'm right. From the scared 12 year old girl I grew into an intelligent strong 17 year old young adult. This experience changed me negatively, but it changed me positively. I understand feelings better, I'm able to ask questions in a philosophical way, I want to learn more and yearn to improve on my multi art skills.  I became older than my years, but knowing the darkness I also became a better writer as well. 

I won't forget the past. If I did I wouldn't have my amazing gifts. Even though I wouldn't be carrying baggage anymore. I take everyday as it is, I know one day I'll learn to restore confidence in myself and love my self again. And the light will be apart of me just as the dark is currently.

I know its hard, stay strong. I can't promise you it will get better. Yet it could. I live for the 'could'. I believe in happiness.

please understand that first I am an adult now . second I do not condone what i did when I was younger. and third I work hard to help others who are being subjugated to bullying.

it started when mom and dad brought my little brother home, i was 4 . i didn't like him . just like most only children who find another on their territory. the next year i started school. kindergarten .  there was this kid a few years older than i and he was all the rage of the school, good kid mostly , great grades, popular and i felt it my job to keep him in his place . so i started to undermine him. it was simple i started to stare at him at recess glare i think is the word they used years later when i went back to ask about me in school. then it graduated to yelling and making stuff up about him then eventually all out pushing and shoving . by grade three i was a full out and out bully to anyone who i felt was better stronger smarter popular or just simply had it better than i did . i was a brute. mean nasty , not to mention anger management issues that eventually in my late 20's had to be dealt with . but low and behold things revolve in strange ways to open one's eyes . by the time i hit grade 4 , i was preparing , after a summer of once again tormenting and abusing my brother , and the rest of the kids that got close . to go back to school. yes this is the year my little brother began kindergarten . the day started off a bit different that the usual picking on new kids on the walk to school, see my brother in between my beating him up saying nasty things to him and generally making his world a friggin nightmare had made a friend . Arthur . a little waif like kid who was scared of his own shadow so much so he would pee his pants if you even so much as looked at the poor guy. how my brother and he ever became friends is beyond me .. well they met up on the play ground and it seemed i didn't like this idea and so typical me i started and it wasn't long before poor arthur was peeing his pants and i was having a laugh and pleased with my self ..

that is untill something horrific happened . my baby brother 4 years younger than i ,he was 5 by now , decided that that was the day to say enough and stand up to his big brother right there on the play ground , in front of every one , he yelled so loud and asked me if i was proud of myself , if i was happy now . if it was what i thought he deserved . and he walked right up to me and told me that as his big brother he was ashamed of me . and he turned and walked away taking arthur with him by the arm . they went to the principals office where i learned later that my kid brother had packed a spare shirt pants underwear and socks just incase arthur needed help . he taught me a very big lesson that day . i walked away from school and went and hid . sat in a small bushes area near the school and started thinking . 

my mom and dad had tried to get me to understand and stop, the spanked they yelled and they even threatened all sorts of things . but i'll never forget what my little brother did for me that day . he changed my life . i still went to reform school and got into all manner of trouble, but never again was i that silly enough to believe that i was better than someone never again did i ever try to hate like that again. i tried much harder to understand and tolerant and protective and prepared like my brother . were aren't friends , my brother and i , we aren't enemies either . but i remember and i learned and i'll scream my last  breath to protect anyone i think is being bullied abused pushed around a victim of hate or intolerance .

i was once told to do to others as i would have them do unto me . 

since that day , i have stood up openly proudly and loudly , and continue to do so no matter what .

THANKS LITTLE JOHN (KIDD) i hope one day when we do talk again your no longer ashamed of your big brother

My "best friend" got a group of girls that were also my friends and circled me and said hurtful things. Also, my other "best friend" just stood their and watched. I was so hurt i called my mom in tears to pick me up from school. My mom called the office and I ended up getting introuble with the principle and my bully got in absolutely NO trouble.

Bullying isn't the best feeling, it can push people to their limits, I should know because it happened to me. My advise: get help, talk to a friend and don't listen to the bullies.

I will be honest and say that my 8th grade and freshmen year of school I was a very harsh bully. I would pick on kids and hurt them both physically and verbally. I was one of those kids who, I guess, "fit in". What people didn't know is that I was going through a rough time with my parents getting divorced and my "father" abandoning my family. He was an alcoholic and I told him he had to choose me and my siblings or alcohol and then I never heard from him again. I know that's no reason to hurt anyone else but I was in pain and I felt better once I made someone feel my pain.

But the summer after my freshmen year something changed in me. I was tired of seeing all the suicides and school shootings caused by bullying. Depression and anxiety in my mother's side of the family and we found that I was diagnosed with those 2 personality disorders. I would lock myself in my room and talk to no one from the end of my freshmen year to the beginning of my junior year. I am currently a junior in high school now. I have made amends with every one I have hurt in the past and we are all pretty good friends now! I feel so much better now that I have stopped hurting others for my own pleasure and to know they have forgiven me.

My sophomore year of highschool was the worst though because I went from an athlete to one of those kids who dye their hair, where skinny jeans and band-T's. I didn't fit in anymore and everyone started bullying me. I was one of the few who spoke out against bullying in my school and that only made things for me worse. The people I used to call "friends" started to judge me and say hurtful things to me and even told me to kill myself. I have attempted suicide several times. But I am a lot better now. I mainly have music to thank for that. One band that has truly saved me is The Color Morale. I seen them live and met Garret Rapp, who is honestly the nicest guy and most caring. He has shown me the light at the end of every tunnel.