It's strange to look back on being a little kid or a teenager. Now that I'm a senior in college, the high school experience feels so far away. But I guess the only way to do it is to start at the beginning.......

When I first started school, I had two lazy eyes. Surgeries, huge glasses, and an eye patch supposedly caused some self-esteem issues. Thankfully, I don't remember this time in my life, but my former bus driver told me as I got older that I got picked on pretty bad and I kind of kept to myself.

The rest of my elementary life is pretty uneventful. I got called Hermoine a lot because of my frizzy hair. But it was hard to be offended by that. I mean she's smart, I'm smart. It's all gravy. And of course there was the typical teasing among children about who likes who and whatnot. It wasn't until middle school things got rough. I went through a pretty bad "Emo" stage. I was fighting a lot with my step-dad at home, rebelling against what my mom wanted me to wear, and partaking in a lot of very dark, very morbid media. Disturbed was my best friend (and really still kind of is to this day). I had also started to gain weight. I wasn't really overweight, but I had developed significantly faster than other girls in my classes. The worst part of puberty (for girls that is) hit me when I was eight, so the rest kind of caught up as it went, and seemed to explode during middle school. Zits, water weight, braces (although not part of puberty, still sucked). So what ended up happening was I cold-shouldered the people who were normally mean to me (even when they weren't being mean), and was super nice to the people who at least didn't pick on me. But I kept gaining weight, so when people stopped picking on the way I dressed or the music I listened to, they moved on to starting rumors that I was thirteen and pregnant. Of course, these weren't true. I hadn't even had my first boyfriend yet. Just, while the rest of my body stayed the same size, my stomach grew outwards similar to how a pregnant woman's would. Those rumors lasted till the year I graduated.

Then I came out as bisexual. Now I lived in a small town that had one openly gay person. I don't think anyone in my grade even knew it was possible to like both genders. I also got my first serious boyfriend around that time. He was supportive of my sexual identity. I think a little too supportive. He pushed me into getting a girlfriend while I was dating him, which was a mistake because go figure he was a womanizer. Aside from that, there were a lot of unwanted sexual experiences. Then the worst part of the bullying happened. Myspace was huge at this time and my boyfriend's cousin used that to her advantage. Every day, I would log on and find a whole lot from her and her friends. They would all say the same thing. "God hates fags." "You're going to Hell." "Go kill yourself" mixed in with some slurs about being fat. I would ask my boyfriend to talk to his cousin, and he wouldn't. I couldn't tell my parents about the bullying, 'cause I never came out to them and when I did come home crying from school, I would try to tell my mom that kids picked on me and all she would say is "well what did you do to them?" The stress was making me lose sleep, so instead of laying in bed I would go online and just talk to people in chat rooms. You'd be surprised how many people get offended when you don't tell them your age, sex, or location. Others were supportive and didn't want anything to do with what the age and the gender of someone would imply. Then one night, my boyfriend calls me at 3 in the morning and accuses me getting online at night to cheat on him. I tried to break up with him multiple times after that, but he always threatened to kill himself when I did. So my own death started to look pretty good. Being bullied in school, being cyber-bullied, being bullied into staying in a harmful relationship and not having a soul in the world to talk to was a little much. But rather than let myself get run down, I sought help from a psychologist. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and insomnia. I got to feeling better, relationships with people started to get better, and best of all my love life had gotten better because I was determined to make it work and to make a compromise. But one day at school, my boyfriend pushed me into a locker in front of everyone. At that moment, in front of everyone watching, I broke up with him. That day after I got home, he blew up my phone. He kept calling, I kept answering (I didn't have caller ID at that point), and I would hang up on him. It go so bad that my mom and I both threatened that if he kept calling, I would get a restraining order. Things settled down after that. For the most part, the bullying stopped. I still gained a lot of weight, but I started giving more people a chance, I got out of my emo phase, no one ever really forgot that I came out of the closet but it stopped being a big deal. Perhaps because I never had another girlfriend while I was there. I even got along with the kids that picked on me during my senior year. Well, got along as well as any two people that used to fight.. At one point, I was even prepared to reconnect with my biological dad, whom I hadn't seen since I was very young. But he passed away right before I could. 

However, even though things are better, they are not what they should be. I don't really have any friends, because the only people I was around for 12 years of my life made me want to die. I fight with my weight, going back and forth between considering cutting the fat out of my own body and just being happy that it's not worse than what it is. I'm afraid to tell people anything about my personal life for fear that it will be used against me (especially in the homophobic society that we still live in). I still have depression that my psychologist and I both agree was caused by the bullying. 

There's something I want to stress though. A lot of people seem to think that bullying is only done by their classmates or coworkers and that when it enters the personal life, it is called a different name so it must be a different thing all together. The label of 'abuse' that is slapped onto a harmful relationship with a partner or a parent doesn't change the fact that it is bullying. Bullying is anything that is done to you or said to you that lowers your self worth. If you see it, or experience it, do something about it. Don't be another statistic like I once considered becoming.

Hey all, this is my story, a story of pain and hope. But most of all, it's my life story of how i survived bullying. I hope it serves as an inspiration or motivation to all out there who's going through a rough patch and wondering, "why me?"

When i was 17 years old, i was attending junior college (based on the education system in my country), and everything seems great. Graduating from secondary school, it's like an entire new page of my life which i thought it will be awesome and "normal". But little did i expect, within months, i became victim to cyber bullying... by someone whom i helped. What an irony. 

I don't wish to name him, but just gonna call him 'E'. In the first few months of school, E was very left out and ostracized by my class and he was in fact cyber-bullied, with people posting nasty post to his blog. He told me, and i stood up for him on his blog and also slowly helped him bond back to the class. After a twist of events, he became the bully, and i became his victim. He began spreading nasty words about me and wrote very ugly posts about me on his blog, using vulgarities such as "f**k", and slandering me with accusations of me dating my lecturers. The thing got so big that many students within the school knew and began giving me looks. Even friends in other institutions managed to get wind of the accusations he was spreading (which till today, i have no clue how it got so far), and began asking me if what was written, were true. 

Suddenly, it just felt like it was me against the 'world'. I tried to seek help from trusted teachers, but none of them took it seriously. The best i got from a teacher (whom i am very thankful for), is his reminder to me of why am i in junior college - to graduate and move on to university. He wanted me to stay focus on my studies and ignore all the bullying acts. He offered me kind words, and to me then, it was already godsend.  

However, it wasn't easy, as things didn't rest. E began to "issue physical attack hints" on his blog. It was scary to just think about going to school and wonder whether will he make good his words. Especially when am a puny girl, and him a guy and much taller than i am. Not forgetting his little gang of followers. I became very cautious in school and always steering clear of "quiet lanes" and away from them. Whenever possible, i will leave school compound as soon as possible. 

Coupled with other issues, i was often skipping school - initially it was as bad as missing school approximately once per week. But skipping school or classes weren't the worst. I became suicidal - i was cutting my arms, legs and i wrote suicidal notes. I even planned out how i would die. It was dark times then. I cried almost every night, to sleep. There was no one i could trust and speak to, whom would believe me and help me. It was like in a black hole where even your shadow seems to have abandoned you. It was hell. 

The entire fiasco didn't end for more than a year. But it's already over. Junior college life is 2 years, and i probably spent a good 90% of it "in hell".

How did I survive?

Sometimes even i ask myself this question - how did i survive those 2 years? For me, it's mental resilience. I know it's easy for me to say, but it's about telling yourself that you are MUCH MORE and not letting yourself succumb.  I can't even remember the countless nights i spent crying, cutting myself and all. I strongly advocate AGAINST self harm - i know many victims of bully find self-harm a release of pain and emotions. But it's truly not worth it. I still have a scar on my arm, 5 years on. Not worth it. Truly. Find distractions in positive ways - find a sport, find a hobby, turn to external professional help sources (if you can't find anyone like i did), pick up a musical instrument, etc. Let your life be wider - go out and meet new friends. Self-talk is VERY IMPORTANT - What you feed your brain, will determine your mental strength. After the initial dejection and all, i kept telling myself: "Be strong and not let those idiots affect you!!" "Study hard and let your results prove who's better!!" "As long as your conscience is clear, stand tall with pride!!" ETC. 

I REFUSED TO BE BROKEN DOWN! That was the spirit i had. I persevered through the days - i reduced my frequency of school skipping, put more effort into my studies, focused my mind on what i had to do, ignored (to my best) what was going around. 

Me today... 

I am now in a local University, senior year (graduating in a year's time), studying Business Management. A dragonboat paddler, a United Nations volunteer and aspiring to become an advocate and entrepreneur soon. Though not a top scholar, but my results are above average. I have found lots more friends, and especially my team of paddlers. Being a volunteer with UN has also expanded my world view. 

 

Looking back at those 2 years... yes, it was tough. BUT, i have emerged through those bad experience with greater strength and resilience. There's a quote i read somewhere that bad experiences are like sandpaper... it's painful friction, but you emerge shinier! 

Without any professional help, or even any long-term assistance from an adult or counselor or teacher, i survived bullying and emerged stronger!! So, i hope that for anyone who's going through a tough time because of bullying, just remember that you're not alone and you're beautiful! Never let anyone make you feel less than what you're worth! 

To all who are/have been bullied: Stay Strong! It does get better and life is much more than what you're going through now! Walk out, seek help and never suffer in silence! :)

To bullies: Stop. No one deserves to be bullied... and no one has the right to inflict pain upon another. You may not like a person because of his/her looks, grades, wealth, sexual orientation, or simply you 2 don't clique - but nothing gives you the right to bully. 

To all others: If you witness a bullying incident: always stand up against it!! Because by just standing up, you're making a stand against bullying, which means a lot! 

Peace. Love. No Bullying!

Z

On Thursday night, my best friend was sleeping over my house. He was a recovering addict and was doing great, but apparently sometime in the middle of the night, he woke up and took something and when I went to wake him up the next morning he had passed away. He was like a brother to me and I loved him with all my heart. He was the greatest guy I ever knew and I don't understand why God would choose to take him and leave a piece of crap like me here. I'd give anything to switch places with him. Everyone says it gets better, it gets easier, but i still can't eat, sleep, or stop crying. All I can think about is how I just want one more hug and I feel like the pain will never go away. When he died, a piece of me did too and I don't know how to function anymore.

When I was little I was bullied some.  I wasn't bullied a lot, but I was still bullied.  Some kids from my school used to call me fat and ugly.  At first I didn't care, but then they kept doing it, and I started to believe them.  I never really told anyone, but I wish I had.  It went on for almost a whole school year.  Then summer came, and they all left me alone from then on, but to this day I still feel bad about it.  I don't feel nearly as bad as I did then though.  I wasn't bullied at all for years after that, but a little over a month ago this girl got mad at me because I didn't want to be friends with her anymore because she would always flirt with every guy I liked or dated, and then she would tell me lies about them flirting back.  I know most of them didn't though because most of them didn't want anything to do with her because of that.  Well anyways she got mad at me and started calling me ugly and just saying a lot of mean things about me.  I got tired of feeling bad all the time, so I just blocked her and then I didn't have to hear from her again.  Ever since then things have been a lot better.

I've been getting bullied since about the 1st grade. I am now in 8th grade and I am still getting bullied. I've gotten called mean names, pushed and shoved around, and I've been called to kill myself. I honestly have no clue why some people have to be so mean to others to the point where they want to end their life. It is very messed up. I have a friend, that committed suicide because of getting bullied. I don't tell many people this because its hard for me. She was one of my best friends and now she's gone, because of one person, pushing her over the edge. It made a great impact on my life. I've realize what words can really do to people. There have been many times when I have self harmed, thought about self harming, and thought about suicide. I used to think that I had a horrible life. But I have realized that I'm not alone. There are many people out there that get bullied and have been through what I have or even worse. I've gotten help from teachers, parents, friends, other adults, and many other people. I don't self harm anymore which I am very proud of. You're life is a treasure. If you have or are thinking about ending your life, just think... thee are people in this world that love you and really care about you. They would be devastated if you were gone. Just let the haters hate. Things will always get better. You're gorgeous/handsom just the way you are. Every single human being is perfectly imperfect in their own little ways. Words can really hurt a person so please, think what you're about to say, before you say it. It could save a life.

     In my small town, to be looked upon as different is nowhere near acceptable to the teenage eye. After watching the movie, Bully,  I decided this story is worth being shared. 

     As a friend of a victim, I do not tolerate any bullying whatsoever. During seventh and eighth grade were my most monotonous years, due to the fact I had to find a complete different set of friends. I was not very appealing to the eye as some said, with my braces, glasses, and tomboy apparel. The following year I changed completely, my braces were removed and I received glasses.

     No later than that two boys asked me to date them. With dating receives popularity, however, which I despised. I still hung out with a weird (in the best way!) group of friends. I was dating a football player at the time, and no more than three weeks later after seeing what my friends were like, he dumped me. My friends felt so bad for me, that one of them came up to me and said, "I swear he dumped you because of me." I told her that she had to not worry, if he couldn't date me because of them then he was not worthy. 

     The following year I went on an educational field trip with the same friend's ex boyfriend for nine days. Two months before I went on the trip I learned that he was very violent and harsh towards her. During the trip he threatened my life and the lives of the ones I love most, after I denied going to his room for sex and drugs. I reported the incidents to four different adults at first. Then the teacher on the trip told the vice principal and the principal. All that the adults did was pull him into the office to talk to him, and he did not receive ONE detention, suspension, expulsion, NOTHING. 

     My parents and friends are so proud of what I have gone through, and even though I did not receive the justice I desire, I would like this story to be known so that others do not hold in what occurs in life. Howl it to the moon if you must, but everyone has a voice, and if not heard, it will not be known. Tell adults, tell people with high authority, scream it, write it, but whatever you do, do NOT give up. Hope is the strongest thing anyone can hold, but you must let the truth be known! Thank you. 

Zachary Larson

My Thoughts and views on him:

-Funny

-Nice

-Caring

Others thoughts and views on him:

-Faggot

-Gay

-Weirdo

-Dumbass

 

These words caused a change....something that would change our lives forever... "everything you do makes a difference no matter what you think, so be kind.

Suicide..."go kill yourself" "you could die today and no one would notice" Me, Lauren Bichell? I noticed.

So did his mom, dad, sister, brother, friends. and for the bullies? oh, they noticed, too.

Last time I talked to Zach he was extremely upset about a guy, and I tried best to give advice. I have always been told I give good advice. I obviously don't and neither does anyone else because Zach had already made up his mind.

October 7th, 2013

Facebook says "rest in peace, Zach" when I found it was my friend I was crushed, angry, lost. "why are people so freakin cruel?

I thought "but I had just talked to him'..i thought about going to the viewing but I hadn't seen Zach in person in a while and I didn't want to "visit" him that way.

Zach was just misunderstood by a world of immature, cruel humans.

I will never forget the friendship we had.

Today i got a message saying butt you smell go die in hell what did i do i didn't know them.

A couple of years ago, I had a student in my class who has two moms. On occasion, when the kids discussed their families, she would mention this to her classmates. Many times during recess, this student would approach me and tell me that some of her classmates would say to her "you can't have two moms". It was a hard topic to discuss with kindergarteners because I didn't want to tell my students that you can have two moms if this went against what their parents believed or had taught them. I think this a topic that really needs to be discussed. I imagine many students are getting bullied and made fun of because they may have two moms or two dads. Many of our families have different make-ups. Regardless of what your family dynamics look like, you should not be bullied or told it isn't right. Being that the gay/lesbian community is growing, I can see this problem getting worse. In support of children of the gay/lesbian community, I wrote a children's book titled "Donuts for Dads". This is just a step. I'm hoping that many more people will bring awareness to this issue in the near future.

When I was younger I grew up with autism kids bullied me all the time the school did nothing at all. I felt like I was trapped forever until one day I stood up for myself and after that I never gave up no matter how hard it is dont give up because you are beautiful and awesome and people who bully are the ones with issues.