I am 19 years old and bisexual and I am a victim and a survivor of bullying. Although I live in Florida my little brother lives with my mother in New Jersey. That boy is more of a man then any guys I know. He has stood by my mother's side through cancer. Yet he is still bullied in school because non of them get his personality. I was treated the same way and in many ways still bullied. I wish I could do more then just call him and say how much I love him.

I was bullied. My 8th grade year. I stood up to a bully in high school. I received a Masters degree in Education and built a caring environment in my high school classroom. Bullying happened in my classroom and I was furious when I found out. I'm thankful that student told someone and there was an investigation into the racist bully's actions. I decided to head to another state where I could work on a Doctoral degree and fulfill my dream of showing the community and educators that punks, goths, and metalheads have a place in our schools and society.

As a teaching assistant, I take full responsibility for the syllabus and readings for a children's literature class, which is a requirement for elementary education majors. To kick off Anti-Bullying month in my room, my students (should have) read Wonder by RJ Palacio. We discussed statistics and I shared a news story about a 12 year old bully who was arrested in Connecticut recently. We discussed the issue. We wrote down names we've been called or heard and ripped them up. But at the beginning of this month, some students reported that 4 classmates who are elementary education majors and freshmen in college were saying snide things about students in my class. I reported it and I was told that nothing could be done unless I wrote up a professional improvement plan. Fine. Let me gather more evidence.

Yesterday, I started showing Bully to my class. My students again informed me that they heard these women calling the documentary "boring" and a "waste of time." I'll tell you why they thought it was a waste of time: it was about them. They are bullies. I was disgusted and I felt I had enough to write these professional improvement plans. Part of the process is that I must inform them that I wrote these plans. One of the students who I strongly believe is a ringleader in all this questioned me. She felt she has done nothing wrong. She wants to play this game with me, fine. I will fight back. I will make it clear that bullying does not stand a chance in my college classroom. I am appalled that she wants to teach elementary school. Children who are impressionable. It makes me sick to think that a bully will be in charge of 30+ children. 

I am over 30 and I have been bullied as an adult. I take it in stride. I am better than they are. I am stronger. The weak bully. But the strong prevail. I will fight back in every way I can. I am trying to figure out how to make anti-bullying campus-wide at such a large school. 

Thank you, Bully Project, for everything you do and all the resources you have here. I do suggest you add more about college and workplace bullying. This happens everywhere. At any age. I was raised to be respectful and to guide others to also be respectful. I commend you for doing the same.

And to those out there who may be younger than me or older than me, I ask that you be strong. You are better than they are. You are a beautiful person with a loving heart. No matter how bad things get, I love you. You don't know me. I don't know you. But I love you. I believe in you. I think you're amazing and awesome. 

Every year I've been bullied. Always by someone new. Although there have been a few people who continued to do it for years, and years, and years. There was always a new person who wanted to pick on me. My first bully threw a chair at me in the second grade. He also broke my hand on the playground. He called me fat and told me that I was ugly. I had a best friend there for me, but then he moved away. In third grade, the same boy kept antagonizing me and wouldn't leave me alone. Then I itched my nose wrong one day and a bunch of girls spread rumors that I picked my nose and ate my boogers. In the fourth grade, I started developing issues with my eye sight. I had to start sitting in the front of the room because my eyesight was so bad that I could barely see from the middle or back. Kids started calling me a teachers pet, saying that I only sat up there because I was trying to be better than everyone else. Two days after that, a little girl brought in dandelions after recess. We had a dandelion field behind our school that we all could play in. Except me. See, I was allergic to dandelions, being near them put me into anaphylactic shock. This little girl knew that. The only reason she really knew was because she lived across the street from my grandmas house. A few years later, the little girl will proceed to throw a block of ice at my face and break a priceless family heirloom of mine. She was my number one antagonist for 3-4 years.

After that, intermediate school came. I was bullied there because I was at this awkward stage where I hadn't lost a lot of my baby fat. Girls called me ugly, told me I was fat every day. This lead me to stop eating lunch. I liked a boy for a long time. He called me a freak because I liked him. He told me that never in a million years would he ever like me. He was wrong because we dated in the 7th grade. 8 months too.

After intermediate school, I was in the dreaded middle school. Where just about everyone is awkward unless you're a cheerleader or a football player. Here, I did okay for a few months. Until I started dating this one boy. His girlfriend transferred back into our school and all hell broke loose. She wrote me a note where she called me a heffer and told me to go eat a few more quarter-pounders. Not long after that, the boy broke up with me because I wouldn't have sex with him. This was 8th grade year, mind you. The girl still antagonized me after that, and all my friends ditched me. Both my parents were getting remarried and I felt left behind. I had no one to turn to with my suicidal tendencies. I started cutting myself and attempted suicide right before my Freshman year of High School. I thought High School was supposed to be a cool time, right? Wrong. 

I started High School with this girl constantly bothering me. Anytime I saw her in the hallways she would say to her friends, "Do I smell catfish? Oh its you! Close your legs you whore." Sometimes whore would be substituted with slut. She got sent to the academy a year later, that's a place for people who are on track to drop out at our school. During my Freshman year, I started dating a boy that I would go on to date for two years. He had a crazy ex-girlfriend that would call me names. She always told me that I "stole her boyfriend" even though they had been broken up for almost two months before we started dating. She would tell her friends (that also knew me) that I was a bitch and that I ruined her life. Although I did nothing close to that. She finally graduated, but still hassled him and I with her burdens. She threw rocks at his car and threw a sweatshirt that was his at his window. She wouldn't leave either of us alone on social media, and she even got her sisters in on it. She finally got a boyfriend and has left us alone.

Sophomore to senior year (present) I have had one bully that won't leave me alone intellectually. He always thinks he is better than me and tells me it all the time. He tells me that everything I say is wrong and calls me stupid on a daily basis.

Now, I play the waiting game.

Who is going to bully me next?

I shared this on my Facebook page this morning and wanted to share it here, as well. Thank you for all you do!

One year ago today, October 17th 2012, my daughter was assaulted at school by a girl she barely knew. Another girl video-taped the assault and shared it with other students moments afterwards, because it was the “cool” thing to do. As we pieced the details together, we discovered that a third girl, my daughter’s former best-friend, played a significant role in this event, as well. Apparently, there was a barrage of bullying and cyber-bullying events prior to that day. One of which included a pizza box with obscene language, directed at my daughter, being delivered to her in the school cafeteria during the lunch hour. I had no knowledge of the bullying by this group of girls, which apparently had begun three months prior. The first I had heard about this harassment was the day I picked her up from the nurse’s office at school. My daughter kept it from us, for fear of creating more drama and the embarrassment of having her parents get involved. She also knew the former friend’s parents most-likely wouldn’t do anything about it, as we had previous issues with this individual. Since the summer of 2012, when the cyber-bullying began, my daughter has experienced severe debilitating migraine headaches, insomnia, depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Her grades took a nosedive and she was in jeopardy of not graduating on time with the rest of her class. She has been hospitalized twice, once for cutting and once for a suicide attempt. My husband and I have spent an ungodly amount of sleepless nights wondering if we were going to be among those parents who have “lost a child”. None of this has been shared with many people outside our tight-knit family and close friends, until now. The reason? It’s time to take a stand, and it takes a village to do so.

Unbeknownst to us, during the months prior to my daughter’s assault, a recent graduate from my daughter’s high school began following her on a popular social-networking site. She started to pay more attention to my daughter’s online discussions as they started to turn and now continuously included her desperate pleas to end the “blasting” by this group of girls. Reading the vile comments directed at my daughter generated a hurt so deep inside my heart, I wept for days… “stupid ass girl, they never learn”, “but you mean so f****** little and I know you’re way below me”, “a worthless piece of sh**”, “I hate you with everything inside me”, “everyone thinks you’re a stupid b****, it’s great”, “I hope only bad things come to you”, “just die”, “I should f****** kill you”… When the cyber-bullying escalated, this young lady sent my daughter a private message letting her know she had also been the target of bullying before and if she ever needed someone to talk to, she could call her. My daughter had taken this girl’s phone number and began to talk to her about her problems. They eventually became very close friends, despite the scrutiny this girl experienced by her peers because my daughter was younger than her and apparently didn’t meet their “standards”. The day my daughter was assaulted, after leaving me a message on my cell phone, this young lady was the next call she made. Without hesitation, my daughter’s friend came to be with her while she waited in the office for me to come pick her up. During that time, my daughter’s friend gave a very detailed statement to the campus police officer regarding the bullying that occurred prior to the assault. For at least an hour, she scrolled through the online posts and took screenshots of all the cyber-bullying and emailed each one to the officer. The girl who assaulted my daughter was immediately arrested. Since I was not directly available, the school’s Vice-Principal took it upon himself to press charges. After the video of the assault began to make its rounds, the girl responsible for recording it was also cited. Since there was no proof that the third girl played a role in the assault itself, other than being heard during the video laughing and supporting the assault, our hands were tied, and she was not cited for anything. That wasn’t good enough for us.

My daughter wrote out a formal complaint and took photocopies of the screenshots to the local courthouse. Within 24 hours, temporary restraining orders were issued for all THREE girls. Shortly thereafter in court, permanent restraining orders were issued for the maximum time allotted – three years. The restraining order against my daughter’s former friend is a tricky one, as she is also our next-door neighbor. During the time she had the temporary restraining order and prior to court for issuance of the permanent one, her family also began to harass my daughter and our family (the apple does not fall far from the tree). They blasted a radio on their side yard during the night and pointed it towards my daughter’s bedroom window, they installed high-wattage bulbs in their side yard light fixture and left them on all night to annoy her, they egged our home and cars and they made erroneous claims to the city about a supposed illegal shed in our back yard. Because of this, and since it could not be proven which family member was doing the harassing, the judge decided to add the rest of our family members onto her permanent restraining order so that we could all be protected. Since the time all three restraining orders were issued, two of the girls (our neighbor being one) have violated theirs and were subsequently arrested for it. They both continue to test the waters, and it’s only a matter of time before another arrest will be made – we’ll see to that.

In the meantime, my daughter is healing. The hurt, betrayal and cruelty have taken its toll on her, though. She is a changed person – once cheerful, optimistic and outgoing – she is now guarded, fearful and isolated. She has a very small handful of friends and doesn’t socialize much. Her “best friend” at school is a former teacher and coach of hers. She doesn’t eat lunch with everyone else; she prefers to eat inside with an adult, where it is safe. I can’t tell you she won’t hurt herself again – neither can she. While she does use her newly-acquired coping skills, there are times when her feelings are so overwhelming, these methods of coping still occasionally fall by the wayside. She struggles with the emotions that led her to hurt herself EVERY DAY. She still has sleepless nights, now has to take a handful of medications to prevent her migraines and combat her depression and anxiety and prefers to sleep on the pull-out bed in the family room, rather than her bedroom, because it feels safer and less “invaded”. She attended summer school and an extensive outpatient recovery program for her psychological issues, rather than doing “normal” fun summer activities with her friends this year. She sees a psychiatrist and psycho-therapist on a weekly basis, attends bible study and youth group regularly and requires tutoring in her most basic of subjects in school. Her grades have begun to finally come up and, at times, we see the “light” in her eyes, but these are too “few and far between” for our comfort level. We realize it takes time, and I have faith, but when she is not well, it is gut-wrenching to witness. She is forever different.

I am sharing this publicly for two reasons. One – bullying kills. So far, and I say this with trepidation, we have been graciously spared of that fact. But at the very least, BULLYING HARMS PEOPLE TO THE CORE. It needs to end. There need to be tough consequences for this cruel behavior AS WELL AS preventative education. We are fortunate in that our daughter attends a high school that instills and strictly adheres to a no-tolerance policy for bullying. She has always felt supported by the teaching staff and school’s administration regarding her assault and prior bullying incidents. More needs to be done, though. There are non-profit programs available for schools to tap into, and not enough of our schools are taking advantage of these resources. Programs such as The Bully Project, Stand for the Silent, Kind Campaign, and stopbullying.gov need to be explored and utilized by our educators. Much in the same way we need to be advocates for our children’s physical, emotional and spiritual health, we need to stand together and advocate for our schools to see these programs through. Start a dialog with your local schools’ administrators regarding school climate and student morale. You may find that all they need is ONE parent volunteer to champion these efforts. BE THE ONE. And two, encourage your kids to “BE THE ONE” friend who is willing to stand up against bullying and peer-scrutiny to offer the support needed to ANYONE who is being bullied and needs a friend. It is not “getting involved in other people’s drama” where bullying is concerned. It is different than it was when we were kids. We can no longer ignore the bully, hoping that he or she will stop, or pretend we didn’t witness someone else being bullied. Bullying doesn’t end when school lets out and kids walk through the front door. With the inception of cell phones and social media, it runs rampant 24/7. Just as I would never encourage my children (or ANYONE, for that matter) to turn a blind eye on an obvious crime being committed, I will NEVER encourage them to take a back seat and “mind their own business” when they witness this cruel behavior. I challenge all parents to take this approach and instill it in your children. Despite all surrounding efforts to thwart her actions, all it took was ONE person to reach out to my daughter to offer her a soft place to fall. ONE. It could save a life. It saved hers.

My mum always said to me that, "sticks and stones may brake your bones, but words will never hurt you." i find this to be a lie, words do hurt, they kill.

My mum always said to me that, "sticks and stones may brake your bones, but words will never hurt you." i find this to be a lie, words do hurt, they kill.

There is this kid at my school is taunting me about past stuff that has happened and I don't know what to do!

My mom always told us "You don't have to stand tall, but you have to stand up" It meant don't start a fight, but if someone puts there hands on you, stand up.                       

I had people bully me in school. I would ignore them as a first stage, then sarcasm and being a smart-ass. I never hit anyone that did not put their hand on me first. Being anti-social helped half of the time because when you are anti-social, you don't give a crap what some random person thinks. A little harder when people laughed when I red words wrong. I learned later that I was dyslexic.                 

When I was in high school freshmen year I would get made fun of by someone cause of the music I listen too. I ignored it until he started doing it in class. I got up yelled and curse. I didn't even care that the principal walked in to hear me.  He pulled me out of class to ask what went on and I told him. I said that I wasn't going to put up with it, I don't care if I get kicked out of school some day. I didn't get in troubled, the boy did. I had some other issue with him and each time I got loud, verbally fought back, threw a chair in the classroom (not at anyone, but I was angry) He backed off later.                                                                

Sophomore year there was a guy 'Tom' that thorough out the year passed by a yelled in my ear, threw torn up paper in my face, and squeezed juice on me. Each time on was on my way to a class and was caught off guard. I would turn to see his face. My junior year Tom passed by to poked me. I said to myself fuck this, and went to the Principal and told him I need to see the year book from last year I.D the guy. He gave me the book and a found his name. I told the Principal what he was doing and if he could get it to stop, I would even If I got me kicked out. The principle said he would get to the bottom of it. I was never bothered again.                                                                         

People fear standing up for themselves because they think they will get beatup, but if some is already hitting you then why not hit back. Even if you lose, people will know you are not just going to let it happen. It was a risk I took to protect myself. I don't regret STANDING UP for myself  

-sign Alexandria DeJesus age 23.

any questions, I'm on facebook.

i am 16 year old girl and am in 11th grade of an international school. i am a dancer in my school so i was always part of controversies and discussions. i never cared about what other people said. i opened an ask.fm account to ask questions to my friends because i thought we cant ask questions without having an account. after few months of opening my account, some nasty questions started. at 1st i didn't pay any attention but slowly the questions started to come frequently, it cursed me to die, break my leg, abused my fashion sense and dance skills. i got really upset. i decided to find out who it was not to take revenge but to only know who is it that hates me so much because i never had any bitter relation with anyone. i went to my school counselor, an IT expert friend but nothing was able to trace who it was. i am no more upset about it but still sometimes i get this strong urge to find out who it was. 

Tessia is my daughter.  She is now 10 and in grade 5.  Her first day of JK; she looked in the classroom and dismissed me with: You can go now I will learn everything I need to know here!  Her confidence was her gift!  Bright, pretty, kind of heart, always ready to help someone, always ready to be a friend, always stood for justice and what is right.

Then came grade 3 and a boy named Maleek.  He was a nightmare.  For the teacher, the principal, but especially for Tessia. 

He called her "ugly", "stupid", "fat", "lesbian".  I said good morning to him and he called me a bitch.  Then he told his "In Group" that if I ever spoke to him again he was going to box me.  That was our first two weeks of grade three.

His actions became more and more aggressive.  He drew other "at risk" kids in and formed his own "gang".  The whole school knew him.  The grade eights new him.

The class did a program called SNAP - Stop Now And Plan.  A response to bullying.  Tessia did all the work in class and at home and participated in the class room skits.  She got an "A".  Maleek and his gang didn't do any of the work.

The teacher put Maleek at a separate desk in a separate corner.  His "gang" would cause a distraction and he would sneak by my daughters desk and say "FU" at her.

Tessia couldn't sleep at night, had headaches, and stomach pains.  Refused to go to school, or even get out of the bed in the morning.  I spent most mornings in the principals office going over the last round of verbal or physical abuse Tessia had endured in the classroom or at recess. 

She had to stand with a teacher at every recess.  She cried every night.

She finally told us she had enough and was going to kill herself.  I took her to the doctor, who wrote notes and gave advice.  I talked with the school authorities.  I was always assured everything possible was being done.  I wanted Maleek expelled.  The said they couldn't do that.  Instead he sat in the office all day for his offences.

Then came the gum.  During a school assembly Maleek sat behind Tessia on the auditorium floor and put gum in her hair.  He then proceeded to mock her saying "Now all your long hair will have to be cut off" and some other nasty things.

I took pictures, filed another report.

I came to school to pick up Tessia only to be met by all the girls in her class screaming and crying Tessia had been hit in the face with a stack of books by a student named Mosficker. 

This was unusual, this child was non-violent.  It shocked everyone.  The teacher was furious.  Maleek's influence had spread to even the most unlikely child.

The principal who had been very supportive suddenly became unsupportive, announcing "we had no proof"!  I finally lost my professional demeanour.  I snapped.  I left the office muttering some inappropriate adjectives myself.  I went to my daughters class took her out and took her back to the principals office and parked her in front of him.  I demanded that he repeat what he had just said to me - then I picked up his phone and demanded that he tell my husband "we had no proof".  He didn't want to.  He just sat there staring at the floor.

We wrote letters to the school trustee, the superintendent, the school board.  Then we had a meeting.  The principal, the superintendent, my husband, myself.  They tried to snowball us.  Saying it wasn't bullying because it wasn't consistent.  When my husband started to answer that allegation - the superintendent cut him off.  This is where his professional negotiating skills came to play.  Without changing his voice or his demeanor he told her quite professionally not to cut him off, he had listened to her, and now it was her turn to listen.  No one said a word. 

My husband said his piece and informed them he would be back tomorrow with his daughter and they could both apologize.

He came back and they apologized.  Tessia still hated school.  Most of the time I sat in the classroom.  One day we came to school and the kids came running up to us to let us know "Maleek had moved"!  His gang still bullied to Tessia on occasion.  Tessia still hated school and demanded to be home schooled.

Then came grade 4.  Nice new teacher, real sweet.  Very interesting class.  Lots of fun projects.  But Tessia was sick all the time.  4 Strep throats, two sinus infections, and one chest infection.  Plus trouble sleeping and nightmares.  The scars were still healing.  Between November and May of grade 4 she missed 30 days of school, and was late just as many times.  Still hated school, still felt bullies had the advantage.  Still had conflict with certain kids that were on the rougher side.  Still worked on things at home.  Helping her understand everyone comes from a different background and we are not going to be able to convince everyone to be nice and kind.  We just have to make sure we are kind, and not let other peoples bad actions define us.

The grade 4 teacher was very supportive.  She knew every reason why Tessia was missing or late.  I called it in every time.  Then I got "the letter".  The vice principal sent me a threatening letter about Tessia being absent so many times.  She didn't check with me (I am in the school ALL  the time) or Tessia's teacher. And she copied it to the school social worker AND children's aid.

Back to the doctor I went to get copies of the notes for her repeated illnesses - all 7 of them.  I responded to the principal with a written letter in stern language (no bad adjectives) and copied it to the principal, the superintendent, the school board, school trustee, social worker and children's aid.  The chair of the parent council supported me and was very helpful.  The vice-principal verbally apologized.  I still volunteer at the school, I go to parent council meetings, I attend all functions and help with all fund-raising.

Enter Grade 5.  Male Teacher, Good Sense of Humour.  Good class control.  Promise to Tessia - if she works really hard and is not late for school daddy will take her with him on his yearly northern 12 day adventure.  Tessia got up in the morning was happy (well most days) went to school.  Right now she is up north with her dad more than happy to be in the wilderness!

I have a really good feeling about this year.  I am very optimistic.  There is a new principal.  He actually smiles.  There are still challenges.  French class - no one behaves so the French teacher marches the class around the school for 45 minutes.  Tessia hates this.  She doesn't like the waste of her time or the reasons the class is in trouble.  She doesn't like kids who don't follow the rules.  She's learning - learning to choose her own words wisely.  Not point out to other kids how bad they are and they are not following the rules.  She knows her parents have her back.  She has activites (swimming and archery) outside of class.  She has friends other than kids at school.  And according to her she has "the best MOM in the world".

What I WOULD DO DIFFERENT:

I would document more precisely and have more witnesses in writing.

I would insist a meeting with the other family.

I would insist that protecting the other child is creating a disaster for mine.

The previous principal felt this "at risk" child deserved all the help he could give. 

I believe this too.  But not at the expense of my daughter or yours!

During this whole ordeal we read books on bullying, bought video's on bullying, did everything we could to help our daughter.  When I was her age I chased the boys with spiders.  When I told her that she rolled her eyes at me and said that's not appropriate!

Hoping Grade 5 is better!

 

C.A.Oleson-Swartz.